Congratulations you are engaged.
The question has been popped - so what now?
In the Oldest Tradition, the prospective groom asks the bride’s father for permission to marry his daughter before he actually asks her. Today, it’s more likely for the couple, together, to tell the Bride’s parents.
Some prefer to surprise their parents with the news at the same time. A casual dinner is a popular way to share the news.
Before you tell any one else consider the Bridal party, That way, you can tell them and ask them to be part of your day at the same time.
Friends and family are next. Parents often help with “informing” especially family friends and relatives.
Many couples choose to announce their engagement to a wider community via a newspaper. Your newsagent should stock forms and should be able to advise you on this simple procedure.
Traditional wording is;
Mr. and Mrs. Smith of Melbourne, Have great Pleasure in announcing the engagement of their Daughter, Ms. Patricia Smith, to Mr. John Green, Son of Mr. and Mrs. Green of Sydney, N.S.W.
Your first 5 Steps.
1. Save the date.
When you are planning to get married?
Will the guests need to travel to be there?
Consider whether you have fixed holidays and a definite honeymoon plan. Once you have found an approximate date that sounds good, begin to looking at ceremony and reception venues. It’s much easier to find e.g. florist to fit in with your wedding date than it is to find another church or reception venue.
2. Take a head count.
You’ll need to have a rough idea of how many guests are invited before you book your reception venue, order stationary, arrange catering and more. To be fair, an equal number of guests should be invited from both families. But if one family is bigger than the other, if one family lives interstate or if one family is shouldering most or all of the costs, there will have to be some give and take. Generally, if one family would like to invite more people than the other family, they should be prepared to pay for the extra guests.
Make sure you sit down with both sets of Mums and Dads to ensure that no important family friends are forgotten in all the excitement!
3. Choose a theme.
It is easier to plan your wedding if you have a particular style in mind. The best way to create a theme is to match your cake, flowers, decorations and stationary.
Consider the following.
Colour for example, use a green and ice pink theme for your bridesmaids dresses, bouquets, floral decorations, wedding cake, bomboniere and more.
Traditional, Think traditional white wedding; big princess dress and veil, roses, horses and Carriage, church ceremony and sit down reception.
Nostalgic, 1950’s, 1920’s Victorians medieval Fantasy .. Perfect for history buffs and those who like events to be out the ordinary.
Personal, May be where the couple first met, Celebrate their favorite hobbies, or be Appropriate to their lifestyles ( such as a Military wedding).
Cocktail, Hire a funky bistro or cocktail lounge for a glamorous champagne and canapé's reception .
Cultural, Suitable for multicultural couples or anyone with a different faith or background ( think Greek plate smashing ,kilts and bagpipes, or lavish Indian banquet )
Destination wedding, Get married at an exotic location with a few friends and family, and Begin your honeymoon straight away.!
Be inspired these days any thing goes! There is no reason why you cant walk down the aisle with your Mum, Wear a green dress, or ask a woman to be best man!
4. Keep your cool
If you’re juggling sticky inter-family tensions, your not alone. It’s no picnic posing for happy family photo’s when both sets of parents are divorced and remarried, and everybody is on bad terms. Or perhaps a particularly difficult relative belongs to the family, who may cause a scene and ruin everyone’s day.
Start strategizing early—don’t try and deal with tensions the week before the wedding. Talk to key people within your family who can help you, particularly someone who everyone respects, and get them on your side.
Finally, sit down one-to-one with the people you are most concerned about, and let them know what you need from them. Be prepared to compromise and ask them questions such as “ Where would you feel most comfortable sitting at the wedding?” Try not to let difficult family members get you down. It’s a rare family that doesn’t have some drama’s. Accept that family issues are all part of what you have to manage in organizing an event of this nature, and you’ve got a head start.
5. Believe in yourself.
While the bottom line of any wedding is “ Your Day, Your Way” there’s no excuse to turn into a bridezilla or a prima donna! Allow for the fact that a Wedding is an exciting time for every in your family and develop the skill of quite negotiation. Make your feelings known and calmly talk over any disagreements.
Inevitably you’ll make some compromises, but the final decision should always be the bride and groom’s. Don’t be talked into doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or you’ll regret it ever afterwards
Legally what is Marriage?
Deciding to marry is an important step in your life, and one that should be well thought out. Marriage is a legal state.
The family court, which exists to preserve and protect the institution of marriage, says that is ‘ the Union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others voluntarily entered into for life’.
If any of the aspects of this statement don’t seem to relate to what you are expecting or experiencing talk about them with your partner and ensure that marriage is the right step for you both.
Communication is vital—talking about exactly what each of you expects from the Marriage, and being honest in evaluating whether you can live up to these expectations can save lots of pain and heartache in the future.
The letter of the Law.
Like most of the important things in life, getting Married itself have legal consequences and laws that apply to them.
The legal requirements of ‘getting married’ are quite straight forward and once you have decided how you’d like to be married, your church leader or celebrant will advise you of your responsibilities, and help ensure you to meet them.
However, as they say ‘forewarned is foreplanned.’ In all areas of your life, it pays to know where you stand legally so we’ll take a quick look at how the law sees your intention to wed.
Are you old enough.
The Marriageable age for both Men and Women is 18. A person who is 16 or 17 can Marry someone who is 18 or older, but they will need authorization from the Supreme court plus parental consent to do so. Parental consent can be dispensed in special situations.
At least one month and one day– and not more than 6 months– before the wedding, You will need to lodge a Notice of intended to Marry form. The bride and groom need to list their names and addresses. And dates and places of birth. The form asks what each of you do for a living and if you have been married before. You also need to fill in the names of both sets of parents and where they were born. You can get the notice of intended Marriage form from your church, your celebrant or the registry of births, deaths and Marriages in your state.
The declaration of Marriage has to be signed either within a couple of days of the wedding or before the ceremony on the day. This is to ensure that there are no obstacles to the wedding going ahead. On the wedding day itself, you will sign the wedding certificate as well as the church or celebrants book and a piece of paper, which goes to the state registry office.
When you lodge the notice, you will need to supply the following;
Pre nuptial agreements.
A pre-nup is a legally binding financial agreement that states how a couple’s money and assets will be divided up in the event of a break up. To get a pre-nup, both partners will require independent legal advice. A couple divorcing without a pre-nup is issued an order by the family court, dividing their assets and prescribing alimony requirements. In determining the order the court looks at the future needs of both partners and their children.
Changing your name.
Once married, the female in the partnership traditionally changes her surname to her husbands.
This custom is popular, but it is not a legal requirement of marriage. Many women today choose to keep their own name, and some hyphenate their surname with their husband’s.
This is an entirely personal choice, but one that you and your partner should discuss and agree on.
Choosing to keep your own name or hyphenate your two names will later lead to a decision reguarding your children’s surname– so this is an important family decision, as well as a vital legal decision.
Changing you surname after marriage? You’ll need to to change the following.
Who pays for what.
This was the Traditional way but now is generally done by mutual agreement between all parties.
Grooms wedding ring
Grooms wedding gift.
Gifts for bridal attendants.
Bridal attire and accessories.
Bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
Bride’s wedding gift
Gifts for the groom’s attendants
All fee’s for marriage licence, marriage celebrant.
Grooms attire .
Wedding and engagement invitations.
Reception expenses ( except alcohol; ) & entertainment
Wedding flowers, church & reception decorations
Stationary and bomboniere
Alcohol at the wedding reception.
Their own outfits, hair & make up.
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